I hate wearing glasses. That's a lie. I don't hate wearing glasses, but in Vegas the glass buildings have a tendency to throw the sun at you from every direction, so I keep my sunglasses on permanently when I'm outside or in the car. I sometimes keep them on inside too, in preparation for my movie-star lifestyle which is supposed to start any day now. But wearing sunglasses makes it harder to wear regular glasses of the designs I favour-- specifically picked to play down the roundness of my face and be covered by insurance. So I tend only to wear glasses when I'm at home and not planning on going out that day, and stick to contacts the rest of the time. Or rather, the contacts stick to me, cos I tend to sleep with them in. For weeks. I know, I know, I'm not supposed to do that, but the older I get it seems the only way to get me to do something is to tell me I shouldn't. If anyone had said to me 'Rich, you should sleep with your contacts in' when I first started wearing them, I'd be taking them out every night. Whether contacts or glasses, either way if your eyesight needs help you're going to wake up in the morning and things are going to be a tad blurry. Couple drips of fluid, or put my glasses on, and I can see! I just wish I could do that with my life. I'm looking at it, and everything's slightly blurry, cos I don't know what to focus on. There's my job with Cirque, which has the potential to be a proper career, but I already feel like I've had a successful career here. There's BNTA, and bringing Panto to Las Vegas which is going well. Then there's my writing. What to focus on? I know I should be editing my first draft, but there's all these other things I want to write. I stated another story a week ago, that I think I might make into a novel. There's the very first idea I had that WILL be done one day, and I feel guilty that I haven't done more than a page, but on that one I know now is not the time. I've got two screenplays that are on the go, should I be working on them? The eight short stories would definitely benefit from a little TLC, should they be my focus?

Bollocks. I suppose it's better to have too many things on the go than too few. But it would be nice, just for a week or two, to know exactly where my brain is. And it's even harder to know what I'm thinking right now with the impending doom that is my 30th birthday. Maybe a drive out to the coast is in order, although SoCal isn't my ideal coast for a little soul searching. I'd want to travel to Cornwall for that, there's some gorgeous spots that my Dad took me to when I was still living in England. Gurnard's Head or Porthcurno are just what the doctor ordered right now, assuming I'm the doctor and I'm allowed to self-medicate. Gods I crave being out there, walking the cliff tops bundled up against the wind as it pulls you this way and that, the sound and smell of the sea. We'd go out there, my Dad and I, trying to spot the Peregrines that lived out there. We saw them a couple of times, but more often than not the buggers wouldn't show up.

No chance for quite a while yet. Too much to do. Thinking about it, though, writing about it here helps. No matter what I focus on it's pretty clear to me that I have to do it all, so I can have time out on the Cornish cliffs. If I don't get it done before, then instead of enjoying the spot I'll be too busy still going over the same old bullshit in my head.

Hey, thanks doc., this has been a good session.