Performing

The wonders of technology. I'm sitting outside, watching a tech/dress rehearsal of BNTA's production of 'The Foreigner,' by Larry Shue. On my laptop, using my phone to connect to the internet. There are burros braying in the background, and jackrabbits nibbling the grass behind me. The stars are slowly appearing above us, although with the laptop screen and lights on stage they aren't as visible as they would be. My bottle of Tempranillo is empty. There's a few more things to do to the set, but that's for tomorrow before our dress and invited audience final oh shit panic and scramble rehearsal.

They'll get done, they always do.

It amazes me how things somehow come together. Even after eighteen years of theatre, somehow it always ends up with an audience. My problem is, once the audience is involved, I lose interest. The fun part is over. And by fun, I mean stressful, frantic, frustrating, and tiring. But once the build up is over, I'm done. I don't know what to do with myself. There's something depressing about a theatre full of audience, because it's noisy, there's a tangible sense of expectation in the air, and inevitably some bugger isn't going to be happy. But we put on shows specifically to have an audience. There's no point in putting on a show if you're not planning on having an audience. They pay the bills.

Cos of all that, there's a quote from Shakespeare that's quite troubling to me. 'All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players: They have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts.'

That's all well and good, unless your point of view is like me. There's no point in playing parts if you don't give a toss about the audience. But I feel like that's what I spend half my time doing just that. Right now I'm playing the part of pseudo-bohemian, off the wall and off the cuff, artistically and morally and sexually and financially challenged artist. I'm working on being a writer. I drink too much, but then I make sure everyone knows I drink too much, because that's what authors do. I don't get enough sleep because. . .fuck, I don't know, but then I make sure everyone knows about it.

Maybe the Shakespeare quote does actually work for me. Although I work in theatre, maybe the only audience I really care about is the world, the ones out there that didn't pay for tickets. I don't give a shit that they're forced to watch the show, or whether they enjoy it or not, but maybe I should think about enjoying the performance more.

It's a bigger high than performing ever was. And my co-stars are fascinating.

auto(erotic)biography

Is it pretentious to start writing your autobiography before you've really done anything? Probably no more pretentious than writing a blog and expecting people to read it. Especially when it doesn't have structure, or regularity, or a theme. But the thing about a blog is you write it, you leave it out there, and sometimes people will stumble across it, sometimes they won't. Writing an autobiography implies that you'll shop it around and try to get it published, all in the hopes of one day walking into your local Barnes and Noble to be confronted by a glossily-covered hard-backed image of yourself. Always wanted to be a 'local author,' and so far I think I can claim that for four places, with every intention of adding to the list.

But the thing about writing an autobiography is how much of a twat should you make yourself? Everyone's got some sort of embarrassing anecdote they can tell about themselves, and some of us have a plethora of the buggers. I could probably fill a whole book on 'stupid shit Rich has done,' and have more left over for the sequel. It's not like I'm shy about admitting to the dumb stuff I can, have, and will do. If you've read more than just this entry you'll know that.

The one thing I will not admit to trying, or having any desire to trying, is choking myself while pulling one off. Not interested. Don't want to try it, never have, never will.  The thing that worries me about my lack of interest in auto-erotic asphyxiation is that maybe it means I'm never going to get anywhere with my writing, never be a known, a local author. Because it seems to me that every few months you hear of another celebrity who has managed to choke not only the bishop, but themselves as well. Is is just a celebrity phenomenon? Or are there scores of people in every town, village, city, strangling themselves mid-masturbation right now?

Maybe that's the price of fame; you make a deal with the devil that you'll have fame and fortune, but be found dead in a pretty embarrassing way. Maybe that's how David Carradine secured his comeback. Too soon?

I don't think that's a deal I'm ready to make. Unless I can specify that I'll auto-erotically choke myself to death when I'm a hundred and four. Ugh.

Nope, when I'm writing my autobiography, there will be no section on that. Orgasms are great enough, I'm not greedy and have no interest in intensifying the experience if the possibility is getting found dead and naked.

Not really sure when I was going with the post, or where it came from, but it's helping take my mind off the car accident I had couple nights ago. The auto accident. See what I did there??