I am a very jealous person. Most of the time, though, it's stupid jealousy. It's jealousy I could do something about if I was. . .well, someone I was jealous about. If I had more motivation or self-confidence or commitment, I could be the sort of person I'm jealous about easily, and not be jealous of them.

Sure there's some sort of vicious circle, completely stupid and needless thing going on there, but I think that's a lot of what being human is. Stupid, needless insecurity. Too much if...then, and not enough when....then.

But Right now, I'm jealous for what I feel is a totally acceptable reason. I'm jealous, because right now in London is a boat show, and people who will, in the near future, become a part of my life, are walking around an object that will become more meaningful to me probably than my condo ever was. They got to see the first full outfitted clipper 70. There's eleven more coming, so who knows if that'll be the one I end up living on for a year, but still, I'm so incredibly jealous right now, because to me it's still just a theoretical goal. I haven't seen the boat, I haven't met up with any of the other people who are going on the race. The only thing I have is the sealskins socks I'm wearing, over a pair of hiking socks, over a pair of merino wool base layer socks, in the pool that I had to break ice to get in to (I know it's winter, but 27 degrees in Vegas? Seriously, fuck off).

But I did find out the dates for training today, so I have a rough idea of when the goal will become more tangible (October). So while they get to do all the things I'd love to be doing right now, and all I have is some waterproof socks and an ice-covered swimming pool, eventually I'll be there, jealous of the people tucked in their nice warm beds while the pants-shittingly-frigid waters of the northern Pacific seep through the very socks I am this moment testing out in a frozen pool.

Except I probably won't be all that jealous.