Nuts. Awesome. Jealous. Insane. Brave. Stupid.

I've been called all of these things in the past three years. In the three years since I applied, interviewed, and was granted a berth on the Clipper 15-16 Race. I've been asked why I'm doing it, if there's room on the boat, what we get for winning, if there's women on board, do we stop, where do we sleep, and other questions I don't remember or have blocked for my own sanity.

I've questioned myself. Am I doing the right thing? Should I be doing it? Do I want to? What could I do with the money instead of running away for a year? The level one training was brilliant, and tough, and definitely put me out of my comfort zone, and all of a sudden I actually knew what I was asking for.

But that was so long ago. Eighteen months. I met three other people doing various legs of the race, and a Facebook group was started, but in those eighteen months things have been surreal. I quit my job, moved to Russia for four months and worked on one of the biggest shows in the world. I came back and went straight on tour, living out of a suitcase and in various hotel rooms, all the while with the race in the back of my mind.

Did I still want to do it? I was out of my rut, and no mistake. So did I need something life-changing, something to force me into living again? Going on tour showed me I could still go out and learn something new and meet new people. It got me out from behind a desk, and made me aware that I might not be the cold emotionless bastard I suspect myself to be. Am I just doing the race now because I've been talking about it for so long and could never live it down at this point if I pulled out?

And then this past Saturday, I found out the Skipper and met some of the crew I'll be working with, living with, eating and arguing and laughing and crying with, and it makes sense. I met a bunch of people who have been going through the same things I have, answering the same questions (asked by other people and themselves), ready to take time out from their lives and do something incredible and challenging and way beyond their comfort zones, and it makes sense. There are people out there like me.

And six hundred plus are with me on this, and fifty of them are literally on the same boat. And for the next year, and possibly for a long time after that, those fifty are my crew, and my friends and family, and they're all just as crazy as I am.