Went to a baby shower BBQ yesterday. It was actually really good to get out in a public park in Las Vegas and just chill with a group of friends, drinking wine and eating Russian pork kebabs. It was something you almost never do here cos it's either to bloody hot, windy, or crappy out, or you don't have access to Russian pork kebabs. Being there with a group of friends, half of whom have kids already, in anticipation of one of them having his first child, seems a little wierd when you're a single, 29 year old bloke. It almost felt like those of us without kids were saying goodbye to him, and those with sprogs are getting ready to welcome him into their fold. So much of interacting with other people is comparing yourself to them- not in a bad way, but trading stories and experiences, finding common ground, living though other peoples memories of an event with them- that at times like that it seems the world is divided up into two parts. There's the part that has kids, and the rest of us.

In about six weeks Adam's going to be able to talk to all the other parents about the birth of his kid, the experience of holding the little bugger for the first time, and all that other mushy stuff that comes along. The rest of us will be able to stand around listening, but not really understanding because we haven't been through it. I don't begrudge him any of this. In fact far from it, I think the world needs more smart people breeding. And I can understand the desie to have kids. . .sort of, in my own wierd fucked up way.

Disclaimer: Bear in mind I'm writing all this as someone who's never been married, or even close, and kids have basically never even been an option. I've had the dubious luxury of being selfish for far too long, and that's why seeing friends who have kids always brings up mixed emotions for me. I have no way of fathoming what it's like to see it begin to form in utero, to hold your own child in your arms, and see it grow from a ball of unpleasant sounds and smells into someone who can wipe their own arse. Do I want that? The jury's still out on that one. I'll go through phases where it seems like a great idea, and times when it's the worst idea in the world. Another one of me running around being all cynical and drunk with a mid-atlantic accent? Yeah, the world needs that.

Maybe that's what growing up is. It's not reaching a 'milestone birthday' like 16, 18, 21, 25, 30, 40, etc. It's not buying a house, or voting in your first election, or getting married. It's being ready to have kids, giving up the right to be selfish in the interest of someone else. And I do mean being ready to have kids, deciding that it's something both you and your partner want and will enter into completely. Knocking up some chick you met online doesn't count as being ready for kids. I'm definitely not ready for kids, but maybe I can see the possiblilty of being ready for the buggers one day.

Until then, I'm going to hold off growing up.