You ever get to the point in your life where your priorities shift a bit, and what was important isn't such a big deal? What do you do the third or fourth time that happens to you? Cos I think that's my count now. Is it that I, as a person, have changed so much, or do most people's priorities change this much? Today, I'd like to talk about friends. But I'm not going to, because it's a sensitive subject right now. Instead, I'm going to come up with some meaningless drivel to put down here to amuse whomever may read this thing. I don't even know if anyone is reading this, but it does me good to write, maybe it'll help me get back into writing like I once was. Although can you ever really be into something you do when you're six years old, because that's how old I was the last time I felt able to write. It was a fantastic book, nearly 10 pages long. Of course, the whole premise was completely stolen- I was six years old, no one has their own ideas when they're six. It was a take off of 'The Witches' by Roald Dahl, the story where the boy gets turned into a mouse. For some reason the idea fascinated me, and I wrote my own first-person story based on that happening. I remember going back to visit a couple of years later and seeing a copy of it still in my classroom (it was Mrs. Roseman's class at Harnham Infant School, one of those depressingly common 'mobile classrooms' that were supposed to be temporary but are still there when your own kids go to school there).

And looking back at that, I realize that half my life seems to have been spent trying to escape from who I am. That's how I got into theatre, the idea of becoming someone else as soon as I got on that stage was incredibly appealling, even at 11. That's why I wrote the story, 'The Great Mouse Adventure' I think it was called. And that's why I developed an interest in film, to be able to create alternate worlds or lives to escape into. That's why I read so much and can lose myself in a book, and that's why I want to write again, to be able to project myself into the character, and in turn live vicariously through them.

But thinking about it, I suppose I've spent the rest of my life being myself, just as hard as I can, every day. I don't need to live vicariously through anyone. When I've travelled, it's always been me in those places. When I've said something stupid, put my foot in my mouth, that's just part of me. When I've wanted to do something, I've done my best to do it, and have done pretty well of it so far. People talk about the list of things they want to do before they die, and I realized I've actually done a lot of them. That's what I mean when I say I've been myself as hard as I can. And it doesn't mean I'll be ready to die when I finish my list of things. It just means I've got to keep adding to the list. It also makes me wonder what I can accompish if I really set my mind to it, because of aforementioned almost completed list. Maybe if I sincerely add things to it, then I'll get them done. So, additions to my 'to do before I die' list:

Write a Novel. One that makes people think.

Write a Memoir. Hey, I think I've had a pretty unique life. It may not all be serious drama, but there's some good stuff in here.

Go to Africa, and more than just making it to Morocco. Sure, it's Africa, but I want to make it further south. I want to get woken up in the middle of the night by a Lion. . .and not being eaten by one. For that matter, go to Australia, and not settle for just having seen South America and Asia, but actually set foot there.

Finish learning to spin records.

Watch the Aurora Borealis.

Hang glide.

Wow. That got a bit more introspective than I'd intended. It's more like meaningful drivel I suppose.